forgetting stars
by affability
Summary: She learns that everything she thought she knew was a complete and utter lie. Beck/Jade and Cat/Jade friendship.


**a/n: **I absolutely adore the relationship between Jade and Beck and the friendship between Cat and Jade (even though we rarely see it anymore during this new season of Victorious), so I decided to take it upon myself and write a fanfiction dedicated to Bade and Cade friendship. Enjoy.

_forgetting stars_

She can barely see through her wet eyelashes.

Jade's only eight, and yet she already knows things she shouldn't. She knows how to build walls and how to break them, she knows how to lie convincingly, without even blinking, she knows how to force smiles and hold back tears, and she knows how pretend.

If she could turn back the clock, she knows in her heart that she would definitely grasp the opportunity to do so in a heartbeat; switching it back to the day she first met him to save herself from the heartbreak.

Jade still remembers the dark streets, illuminated with only white, smoky street lamps, and remembers crossing over them and blocking out everything else. She recalls more than anything the way she watched her mother drown her sorrows in the endless parties and quick kisses.

Her father opens the door and his eyes are wary as he sits beside her. Jade closes her eyes, resting her head on the pillow, and she can still feel the bitter taste of the medicine lingering on her pale lips.

"I want to go home," she says, and it's not a question, because her eyes are red and her voice shakes as she speaks, her hands shake, and her eyelashes flutter softly.

He nods, surreptitiously sliding a sneaked in chocolate bar in her hand. "I'll get the nurse."

.x.

It's in the fourth grade she makes her very first (and best) friend.

Her name is Caterina Valentine and her hair is a light shade of brown. Her eyelashes are long, she always carries her Little Mermaid lunchbox and she's always smiling.

She's rambling about rainbows, before she feels the need to mention the time her father bought her mother chocolates on Valentines Day without the knowledge that she's allergic to dairy, and how Caterina somehow ended up with them when Jade decides to finally interrupt her.

"I'm Jade," she says begrudgingly. "Jade West, and one day I'm going to take every princess doll you own and dump it in the trashcan if you continue speaking like that, because I can barely stand your chattering."

Her smile falters slightly, but she refuses to give up. "You can't do that. Because... I won't give you my rainbow cupcakes if you do." Jade glances down at the iridescently colored cupcakes, placed carefully inside her lunchbox, and then she feels her stomach growling.

She takes her tuna sandwich, and notices that Caterina's eyes are following it longingly. Jade raises it to her mouth, but lowers it, and raises an eyebrow, "I'll give you my sandwich and leave your dolls alone, if you give me your cupcakes."

Her face lights up. "Done," she says excitedly, switching the boxes happily and Jade grabs a rainbow cupcake, chewing on the delicious flavor and feeling it flourish in her mouth.

After that Caterina comes over to Jade's table every day and Jade lets her. Sometimes they switch meals and when Jade calls her Cat for the first time, she giggles, and they become inseparable.

They're both different, and their different personalities clash occasionally, but she's the best friend Jade's ever had.

.x.

The first time she goes to Hollywood Arts is an accident, really.

She and Cat are in the ninth and going to the park (Cat is actually a talented persuader, Jade concludes, because she can somehow convince Jade to go to something as lame as the park solely with the usage of her rainbow cupcakes) and because of Cat's poor navigation skills, they get lost.

Jade then wanders around, until she sees a big school with cafés and white flowers that grow along the side, there are students with pianos, guitars, flutes and all sorts of different instruments hanging around it, singing songs, dancing and shuffling along the stone-carved stairs.

Some teachers are dressed in wacky costumes and have fake mustaches, the female teachers seem all around normal, although they all have their quirks, and a barefooted man who is drinking out of a coconut notices them at the corner of the hallway and approaches them.

"I haven't seen either of you girls here before," he says. "Are you here to audition?'

Cat opens her mouth to say no, but Jade says yes. The teacher leads them into a multi-colored classroom, and as they step on the colorful floorboard, they see a large whiteboard, and there are students inside, sitting patiently on chairs as the teacher steps up to make an announcement.

"Jade," Cat whispers frantically, grabbing her friend's wrist. "Why did you say that? We came here by accident!"

"Ever heard of fate, Valentine?" Jade replies sharply, even though she barely believes in it herself. "This must be some sort of sign. Do you either want to be in Middleton High or in some fancy, incredibly cool performing arts school?"

One by one, they start singing, dancing, telling jokes, playing instruments, acting, and many of them get sent away. The teacher calls for Cat to step forward, gestures to the stage, and she exchanges a worried look with Jade before stepping forth.

"Hi. I'm Caterina Valentine, but everyone calls me Cat. It's spelled with a capital C, and I like rainbows and sparkles and—" she rambles, but the teacher holds up his hand.

"Just show us what you can do, Cat," he says, scribbling away on his clipboard. Cat swallows, looking at her nails, and then her face lights up, brightens, and the corners of her lips form into a bright smile.

"I'm going to sing," she announces, more confident this time.

She crosses her arms, watches intently, a peaceful expression settling on Cat's face as she sings, songs they listened to from the radio, and then she slides her feet across the floor, smiling, and then she begins to dance, and the choreography is so well-constructed Jade has to wonder where this sudden burst of talent came from.

Cat finishes, and the teacher bursts into applause, showering her with praises and then she giggles and hops on over to Jade. S

Jade sings into the crowd, gulping. She tries to make out emotion, any emotion, she tries to trigger it from the teacher and waiting people watching from the sidelines but she can't. Her glance lands on Cat, and she swallows. _"Because I knew you,"_ she sings. "_I've changed for good_._"_

She stops and the teacher smiles. "Good job, Miss West," he says, "Maybe next time, you might want to try and feel a little more, okay?"

Jade nods and takes the seat next to Cat.

.x.

The next day, she hangs out at Cat's house, and she swims in her swimming pool and they both eat on her famous rainbow cupcakes. And when Cat's mother comes rushing into the living room, with an envelope from Hollywood Arts in her hands, she jumps excitedly, grabs the penknife to cut it open.

"Catty," her mom says, smiling with pride and a sparkle in her eyes. "You got in!" She exclaims as if it's _her_ who is attending Hollywood Arts, and Cat squeals and jumps around the house and jumps around and Jade just watches them in amusement.

That night, when she goes home, she finds an envelope on the door, and she walks inside and carefully tears it open with her pair of scissors. She gulps, opening the paper.

_Miss Jadelyn West,_

_Congratulations._

.x.

The day before her first day at Hollywood Arts, she and Cat go to get their hair dyed. Cat dyes her hair a very vivid shade of red, the exact same shade as red velvet cupcakes. They make Jade want to squint her eyes at the brightness, but it's radiant in the sun and it has Cat written all over it, so she doesn't complain.

Jade pounders over what color she should use to streak her hair, but Cat tells her to use a variety of colors, so she gets different streaks in her hair, but her favorite is blue. She asks her mom if she would let her pierce her eyebrow, but she very clearly tells her not to even _think_ about it.

She remembers the stories her mom used to tell her; how she'd be rebellious and go against her parents, doing whatever she wants, and salvaging the rest of her life. She wonders why her mom stopped. She decides to live a little, and goes out to pierce her left eyebrow.

Her dad doesn't breathe a word of complaint, but her mom ignores her for the rest of the night.

.x.

She meets André Harris, Robbie Shapiro and Beck Oliver on the first day of Hollywood Arts.

André and Jade get along fine, despite the occasional name-calling and insults, and he plays the guitar and sings songs to Cat when she gets upset. Robbie Shapiro annoys her, and his puppet Rex flirts with her constantly, so she doesn't hesitate to cut off all of its hair and dump it into a bowl of boiling water, but Rex makes insults and she laughs at them sometimes.

Beck Oliver makes funny jokes, and he has long hair and brown eyes, his skin is olive-tanned and his eyes sparkle whenever he says her name. He sort of makes her heart beat excessively fast, but that doesn't matter, and he carries her books for her and sometimes he even makes her _laugh_, which is hard, so she tolerates him.

Soon, they become her best friends, and they hang around each other and play ping pong, go to the movies, play video games, and they become part of her life.

She'll never admit it, but they're the best thing that ever happened to her.

.x.

She tries to stay away from Beck.

He's far too distracting, she concludes, making her forget her plans and scrambling her brain cells. She forgets her locker combination when he's around her, he makes her forget to do her homework one night because he called her constantly and asked her out, she can barely concentrate whenever he decides to come near her.

"Get away from me," Jade growls when she finds him leaning against her locker, waiting for her after class. She folds her arms when he doesn't budge. She tries to spin in her locker combination, but she forgets it, because his eyes are burning into her. She feels a certain range of helplessness, she feels her heartbeat quicken and butterflies swarming in her stomach.

_She must stop this now._

She hates how he makes her feel so helpless, so she spins around and chews on her lower lip, glaring daggers at him. "You have three seconds to get away. If you don't, I will steal all of your hair care products and personally ship it to Argentina."

He blinks. "Seriously?" he asks, and she raises a pierced eyebrow. He remains unmoved. "Not until you go out to dinner with me," he says, and she groans, spinning around, slamming her locker.

"Go. Away," she spits, crossing her arms, and leaning against the locker. He raises an eyebrow, and the bell rings, and she has to get her Biology textbook out of her locker but she can't even remember the combination.

"Seriously, Oliver, beat it." She injects venom into her tone, narrowing her eyes, but he remains unmoved. She groans. "Fine, pick me up at eight." And just like that, his eyes light up, and the corners of his lips form into a smile. When he finally leaves, she turns around and spins in her locker combination.

.x.

She spends her weekends with Beck, at the beach, over at his RV, and hangs out with Cat every now and again. Beck's smile makes her knees go weak, makes her head spin, scrambles her thoughts and makes her stomach lurch. She can't get enough of him.

"You and your conceited ways," she says sourly, crossing her arms.

He circles her waist. "You know you love me." He smiles smugly.

She doesn't say anything, she wraps her arms around his neck and plants her lips on his, and he pulls her closer. She decides he's not half that bad.

.x.

After two years, Tori Vega arrives at Hollywood Arts, and she takes an immediate liking to Beck. She smiles at him, laughs at his unfunny jokes, bats her eyelashes at him playfully, her eyes follow him, and the way she hides her face when he catches her staring makes Jade want to punch a wall.

"She wants to do a duet with me," Beck reasons, exasperated. "Not make out with me."

Jade follows him down the stairs, her arms crossed and her eyes darkened with unsustainable fury, uncontrollable jealousy, and her hands grip the railing. She wants to stop feeling so angry, so jealous, and so helpless but she can't.

He draws emotions out of her and she can't stop him. Jade's eyes are shiny and damp, under the moonlight. She breathes out heavily, the moonlight hitting her hair, and making her skin glow.

"Fine," she says, her voice containing intense fury. "Go ahead."

There are colors flashing inside of her eyelids, her hands shake, her lower lip trembles, and she gulps; she knows what's happening, but she doesn't say anything.

.x.

She goes home.

Jade's mom is out, probably spending her savings away on ridiculously priced designer clothes, and she steps into the empty kitchen and opens the first drawer on the right. She opens a tiny little box, filled with pills that are of different colors, and she goes over to the sink, using her shaking hand to grab the glass on the right.

She pours water into her glass, and takes her medicine before gulping some more water down her throat. She closes the caps, and sits down on the couch until her hands and her arms stop shaking frantically. She blinks, and then she breathes out.

Her heart races uncontrollably.

.x.

It starts slowly.

First, it's just known as occasional visits to the hospital. Next, it becomes more frequent, because things are so heavy, so difficult and hard on her and her mom and dad keep screaming, keep fighting, and they keep yelling at each other. Third, she hears the word _unfaithful_ in one of her parent's many arguments. Lastly, she hears the word _divorce_.

And that's when she breaks down. She crashes and burns and her hands and arms are shaking uncontrollably, and her thoughts are scrambled and unstable and her cheeks are stained with tears and her hands are sore, frequently and continuously shaking, until she breaks down and cries hysterically.

Soon, she finds herself waking up at the hospital, and suddenly she's eight again and her life is pieced on broken promises and empty wishes. Her mom and dad walk into the room, but they don't say a thing. Her dad sits on her left and her mom sits on her right, and both of them squeeze each of her hands.

She doesn't know what to think anymore.

Cat comes in and she makes her the homemade rainbow cupcakes she used to love so much, and both of them eat in silence, and Cat looks as if she's about to burst into tears.

"I... I m-m-made them, a few hours ago...they told me you had a panic attack or something... I wasn't listening," she murmurs. She looks up, and her eyes are shiny and damp and they glow under the lighting. "I'm sorry, Jade, I should have known."

Jade shakes her head, and says, almost whispers, "It's not your fault."

.x.

She has a therapist.

Her name's Jane and when she walks into to the hospital ward, she sits beside the bed. Jade doesn't say anything usually during her sessions with her, she never lets her know any of the secrets she harbors, she never tells her about the dreams that haunt her, and she strays away from her questions.

Jane never pushes her, as well. She stays silent, she waits, and when Jade leaves, she always sighs and glances at her clipboard before scribbling away.

One day, she tells her, "You can't go on like this, Jadelyn. You can't keep pretending that the scar tissues and dark places don't exist. You have to stop pretending."

Jade scoffs, rolls her eyes, but she stays silent and doesn't breathe a word.

.x.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Is the first thing Beck says when he visits her.

"Why should you know?" She retorts, crossing her sore arms, as he sits beside her, his eyes burning into her. She swallows, leaning further into her pillow, resting her hands on the blanket, and then her eyes close slightly. He stares at her intently, and then he leans forward and squeezes her hand.

"I love you," he breathes, and then he leans over to kiss her wrist. "Don't ever hide anything like this from me again. Never again..." he trails off, and she just stares at him. If she could stop time, she would do it this instant, here; in this dark room, where the only two people in there are them.

"I won't," her voice cracks. "I swear."

He kisses her forehead, breathing _I love you_ against her throat.

She intertwines their fingers, and his brown eyes bore into her own blue ones, as he pulls her closer to him, in his arms. She feels the exhilaration of his heartbeat, and rests her head on his shoulder, as he brings her chin up and kisses her.

He still tastes like cherries, she thinks. She breathes out, tears slicking down her cheek, her heart racing, as he pulls apart and holds her in his arms.

She doesn't want to pretend anymore, she realizes.

.x.

"_And just to clear the air, I ask forgiveness for the things I've done you blame me for_," she sings to him, and she never thought she could ever feel so much. Her heart races and her lips tremble nervously, but he squeezes her hand encouragingly. She gulps, and then she's feeling too much, really _meaning_ the lyrics."_But then, I guess we know there's blame to share, and none of it seems to matter anymore_."

He holds her hand.

.x.

**a/n:** So that's it. I love the Cade friendship and Bade relationship, but I wish the writers would put more depth in Beck's character and pay more attention to the amazing potential Jade and Cat's friendship has. If only the limelight could fall on them for a little while. Oh well. I hope you liked it. Also, the song Jade sung is _For Good_ from Wicked. Reviews are love.


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